Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Swim Goggles and Blood Flow

Have you ever been in the last few moments of sleep, and hovering on the edge of awareness, and just KNEW someone was right next to you, staring at you? This happens far too often when you have kids. It's creepy. I find it almost next to impossible to open my eyes and find out who it is, just in case it's the boogeyman. But I open them anyway, because every once in a while, it makes for a WICKED story....

When one of the boys was about 4 or so, I woke up one morning with that exact feeling. Knowing just from the way the sun was landing on my face that it was WAY too early to be awake, I laid very quietly and very still, and hoped whoever it was wouldn't realize I was awake. No dice.







Since you can only realistically ignore that sound for about 3 minutes, I cracked my eyelids open, and rolled over to look at him. My child stood beside my bed, staring at me with wide, shocked eyes, completely naked and sporting a pair of swim goggles. Really?

"Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" gasped my son, "You'll never believe! It's magic!"

"What, honey?" (This had to be good.)

"I went to bed with a little boy penis and I woke up and it was HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOK at it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I. Lost. It.

I laid there laughing for a good 3 or 4 minutes, until I noticed that Jason was laughing silently beside me. No way was he getting out of this one. He's a man. This one was all his.

"Go talk to dad."

So he walked around the bed, swim goggles and all, and parked himself in front of Jason.

"Look." he said. "How did that HAPPEN?"

"Well," said Jason, "you're a boy. Every once in a while, all the blood falls out of your brain and lands in your peepee. Don't worry. Eventually it will go away, and you'll be able to think again."

Couldn't have said it better myself.

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